Mark Bossingham

Columbia U deans yuck it up

Latest column

Cruising in paradise: Passengers waddle off ship fat and happy

HERE’S A  link to my latest column on our cruise around the Hawaiian islands. Unfortunately the print version didn’t turn out as well as hoped. One of the little known rules of journalism is that you don’t run a picture of a rainbow on a black and white page. Unfortunately those that shall not be named in Paris decided they could make a few more francs by selling a few pages of ads at the last minute (probably impossibly men’s watches). This pushed out pages and left two of our in the black and white zone. Thus we are stuck with the aforementioned grayscale rainbow. Luckily the web creators at our Web site have yet to figure out how to put a photo on a Web page so that is not a problem.
Here’s the real, honest to gosh color photo of that rainbow over Kauai.

Because the links on the site are don't last very long, here's the full text:

    As I carefully peeled a strip of dead skin away from my sunburned shin, I reflected on a recent weeklong cruise through the Hawaiian islands aboard the Pride of America.
    Before our trip, we heard from a friend's friend about a cruise aboard a sister ship operated on the same route by the Norwegian Cruise Line. The critique was appreciated, but gosh, all that complaining! I suspect he walked up the gangway an unhappy passenger and left the same way.
    Not me. I can remember years ago when I was in the Navy, staring at unidentifiable vittles slopped onto a metal tray aboard an aircraft carrier, knowing that I either ate it or starved. I dawdled over the meal--a petty officer was waiting. He would supervise my working party assigned to clean a long bank of urinals after lunch.
With glory days like that behind me, I was certain any ship that didn't require I scrub toilets would be a happy ship.
    I was right. We--my wife, sister, nephew and I--had a great time, from embarkation at Pier 1 in Honolulu to disembarkation at the same pier a week later.
The price was right. Less than 1,500 bucks (about 172,000 yen) per person bought cozy cabins in the bowels of the ship, food, entertainment and four islands-- Oahu, Maui, Kauai and Hawaii.
    And then there were the two topside swimming pools, two hot tubs, a loony magician and an Elton John impersonator. A survey of fellow passengers revealed a mixed bag, but if it ever came to a scramble for the lifeboats, a God-they-are-everywhere group of elderly Chinese in yellow ball caps looked tough to beat.
    Some might have considered the wild "Miami Vice" decor of the Pride of America a bit tacky, but I thought it was swell. It was certainly more cheery than the haze gray paint I spent much of my youth both applying and removing aboard more menacing vessels.
    Did I mention our cabin steward? He had graying hair, spooky eyes and such a strong East European accent (Transylvania was my guess) that I never understood a word he said.
    The crew members who ran the ship--the deckhands and the engineers--were hidden away. A middle-aged dude managing the Cadillac Cafe, one of the lesser restaurants aboard ship, wore a uniform similar to what a ship's officer would wear. It was a bit confusing not being able to tell the difference between the first mate or captain and a glorified waiter.
    The plan seemed to be to feed the natives constantly to avoid any restlessness.
    The Aloha Buffet was almost always open. It was heaven at sea for the all-you-can-eat types. The many other sit-down restaurants were more upscale.
Indeed, the food was fine unless you arrived expecting a three-star Michelin joint. Most of the passengers embarked overweight and disembarked even fatter.
    So what didn't I like? Our kayaking misadventure in Hilo Bay is a sea story waiting to be told. Maybe next time.

Terrorists endorse Speedos

HERE'S A funny headline and story from the slobs at AP:

"U.S. probes banned briefs found at Gitmo"

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico - Guards at the Guantanamo Bay prison camp found two prisoners sporting unauthorized underwear, and the U.S. military is investigating to determine how they got the contraband. Both prisoners were caught wearing Under Armour briefs and one also had on a Speedo bathing suit, items the military said were not issued by Guantanamo personnel or sent through the regular mail, according to a Defense Department letter obtained Friday by The Associated Press.

Back from Hawaii

ALOHA! We are back from Hawaii and our weeklong cruise around the islands. I've been assigned a piece on the trip so as soon as that is published I will blather on about the trip here. Hint: Both fun and funny.
General comment: American culture is not sliding into the abyss, it is already there. General comment II: Don't watch U.S. TV unless you wish to be bombarded with commercials for grossly bad restaurant chains and prescription medical products for the aged. Every few minutes or so TV provides you with an in-depth preview of all that is going to go wrong with your body SOON! Not long ago Big Pharma (I love that phrase) could not advertise prescription medicines on the tube. Aside from the obvious--oldsters bugging their MDs for products that may not be apporpriate, the over 50 set is stuck with some seriously depressing TV moments. I do not need to be reminded I am falling apart or soon will, thank you.

We be traitors

FROM THE WSJ’s James Taranto:

"Congressional Democrats are trying to undermine U.S. Army Gen. David H. Petraeus' credibility before he delivers a report on the Iraq war next week, saying the general is a mouthpiece for President Bush and his findings can't be trusted," the Washington Times reports:
        •        "The Bush report?" Senate Majority Whip Richard J. Durbin said when asked about the upcoming report from Gen. Petraeus, U.S. commander in Iraq. . . .
        •        The top Democrats--Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of California--also referred to the general's briefing as the "Bush report." . . .
        •        "We will see what the Bush report will be at the end of next week," Mrs. Pelosi said. "The facts are self-evident that the progress is not being made. They might want to find one or two places where there has been progress but the plural of anecdote is not data."